Death and grief can be intense topics of discussion for anyone, but they can be especially challenging conversations to have with children. Whether it’s a family member or friend, breaking the news about death to a child, or helping a child through the grieving process can be difficult, even for professionals.
Andrea Warnick, an RN, registered psychotherapist and thanatologist (someone who studies the sociology and psychology of death), says there are some great resources that can help professionals support patients or clients dealing with loss. In fact, there is a lot of research around grief and death in regard to children, particularly when it comes to cancer. Warnick, who has more than 20 years of experience supporting children, families and communities through the grieving process, says there are many misconceptions she’s often trying to dispel.
For instance, it’s important, she says, to allow children to be at the bedside of a dying relative. If a child wants to be there, it can help them to understand what is going on. Literature also supports the idea that children do better with honest and early information about a loved one’s death. Early information allows kids to have a more realistic perception of death and the dying process, rather than letting their imaginations run wild thinking about what could be happening. Warnick says there’s never a point at which it’s too early to talk about an illness or dying with children, but there’s certainly a point at which it’s too late. If children feel there’s a secret that’s been kept from them, they can start to struggle with trust issues that are a complicating factor when dealing with grief.

Death is an issue that everyone will deal with at some point in their life, but most nurses are not properly educated on how to talk about it with children.

Despite her focus on palliative care during her education, Warnick says she did not have a chance to develop skills specific to discussions of death with children when she was first starting out. It was never taught in the classroom, she says. And having worked in a number of positions in nursing at different hospitals, Warnick has found many other health professionals also feel ill-equipped or helpless when it comes to dealing with this difficult issue.
“I realized that social workers had no training in this, and the chaplains had no training in this, and the physicians were terrified of having that conversation with children,” Warnick says. It isn’t surprising, she adds, since Western society, especially in North America, doesn’t like talking about death in general, let alone in conversation with children.
In an effort to raise awareness and answer questions about this issue, Warnick recently helped launch a website that she hopes will make the discussion easier – for health providers, families and friends alike. KidsGrief.ca, a companion to MyGrief.ca, provides online support and resources specifically aimed at helping children. The website was developed by the Canadian Virtual Hospice with support from a number of other organizations, and funding from the Canadian Internet Registration Authority and Hope & Cope, an organization that helps people cope with cancer.
Warnick says KidsGrief.ca touches on many of the concerns she has helped her colleagues address in Q&A sessions and webinars she’s hosted as an educator and consultant on the topic. She has been hosting a monthly webinar with Canadian Virtual Hospice since June 2016, and says the website came out of a need to do more to help people feel better equipped to have tough conversations with kids.
The site features an ‘Ask a Professional’ link, where parents, professionals or volunteers can send messages directly to Warnick and other professionals for advice and feedback. It also provides details on the monthly KidsGrief webinars at which people can ask questions, share information and voice concerns.
When it comes to death, Warnick says nurses are on the front line, often helping patients during the vulnerable hour
(2 a.m.) when the hard questions are asked and therapists are often off the clock. She hopes this new website, which launched in November 2017, will not only provide support to nurses, but also be a resource they can give to families trying to cope.